Thursday, May 10, 2007


I've been shuffling though my photographs...

This pic was taken about four years ago, in the olden times before I had a cellphone, a computer or a beard. It was presented to the producers of a show on cable's HGTV, along with some full length shots, and a dossier containing height, age + weight. This was all to determine if I would be a suitable "guest expert" featured in the video taping of an "art framing/preservation" episode of something called "Smart Style". At no point were issues of expertise discussed.

I gather it was determined that I was neither fat, old, nor ugly, as a date was set for the taping of what would be my second appearance on cable television. Presumably, I would discuss something about the conservation of photography and works on paper, or picture framing history, period styles, or methods and techniques. Or something.

It's amazing how long it takes to video tape "or something".

The venture was fraught with difficulties, not limited to my pants slipping down the whole time, my inability to see without the eye glasses removed for their vexing reflectivity, or the calamity of the carefully constructed backdrop detaching itself from the wall and crashing to the floor. They "shot around it". From start to finish, the whole thing took seven hours - tacked onto the end of a full work day. It yielded nine minutes of air time.

Or so I'm told.

I didn't have cable then as now, so missed the airing. The promised video tape never materialized. One day a woman stopped me on the street: "Hey! I saw you on HGTV!" she gushed. She answered my queries: I did not look like an idiot, or psychotic. Or fat.

I hope she was telling the truth.
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